Starting in the middle
August 30, 2021
It has been a long time.
Several years too long.
I use to write frequently. Regular updates were effective at organizing my thoughts, fine tuning ideas by making them exist outside of my mind, keeping me on track, and – when needed – providing a way to look back and figure out how things went off the rails. Writing helped me excel during one of the biggest transition periods of my life. It helped push through and get on the track of a happy family, good health, career growth, and a positive view of the future. As everything in my life continued to build momentum, the time for writing diminished. Why write when I could be playing with my son, making my wife laugh, training for the next work initiative that could maybe earn the long promised promotion, or squeeze in another walk to hit the 10,000 step goal? My last personal entry was one of pure joy and excitement for things to come.
I wish I could look back and figure out how things went off the rails.
Sure, I know the highlights. A few toxic individuals in the workplace, a bit of moderate health issues that took awhile to recover from, the freelancing boom/bust cycle, watching some family & friends spiral down conspiracy rabbit holes or worse, and – of course – the anxiety, depression, sense of impending doom, and stress of the global pandemic. Sure, any of those alone could be enough to throw someone off kilter. So it should be understandable that the combination of those should be enough to crush hopes and dreams, turning all in it’s wake into robotic shells of their former selves, right?
No. Not me. Not Everett Friggin’ Hubbard – the most foolishly idealistic, hopeful, driven so ‘n so you’ve ever met. Not Rett the Great, who has pulled off enough crazy adventures and awesome projects that when people asked “How was he able to do that?” the reply was a smirk and “That’s just Everett”.
Seriously, I am hopeful. Not just because of some fortune cookie line like “without hope, what else is there”.
I am hopeful because, through everything that has happened, when my children give me hugs, it is full of love.
Because even in an ocean of grey, I am still somehow able to make my wife smile, which always has a way of making me do the same.
Because I have been working to get back on track for awhile and can finally feel the momentum.
I may not be able to analyze when or how I ended up off course. To figure out what within my power would have changed the outcome. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. Too much time gets used on empty what-ifs instead of moving forward with the what-nows. Sometimes, it’s better to stop trying to start over and just start from the middle.
Welcome back to my driven life.
– Everett